MISUNDERSTANDINGS

MISUNDERSTANDINGS
-or-
The continued stupidity of 2008

Okay everyone, the stupidity of the first half of 2008! Some of this is me. Some of this belongs to other people. I will let you guess what stupid stuff I have done this year. And if you think a statment applies to you, and you are getting pissed... uhm.. then that event was completely made up and is not about you at all!!!

If it is on my desk, it is probably not yours.

If you continually don’t make an effort to bring food to get-togethers, and always show up late, don’t be surprised when it all gets eaten before you get there.

Slander = VERBAL misrepresentation.
Libel = WRITTEN misrepresentation.

If an event occurred, then it is not slander to mention it, or libel to write about it!

If someone gives their OPINION on an event that really did occur, it still is not slander or libel.

If no names were mentioned at all, yup! Still not slander or libel.

If it is not your birthday, YES you have to wait for the b-day person to arrive before cutting into the cake!

If you invite someone to an event, stating “We decided at the last minute to have (event name).” and then carp about people not showing, DO NOT try and say later “I left a message for you two months prior to (event name).” Just fess up and say you didn’t really want that person there to begin with.

If you are continually depressed, and absolutely refuse to do anything to fix it, please understand that after a few months, people might stop caring.

If a dog barks, and bit you in 2007, don’t think that it might be friendly to you in 2008!

If you bring your ass to my house after 9 p.m., bang on windows, wake my ass up, just to get inside and bitch at someone, then call other people on the phone to bitch at them, THINK AGAIN. This is disturbing the peace and the police will be called next time. Especially if my neighbors complain AGAIN. Wait till the next day. After 10 a.m. People might be sleeping in!

If you book a hotel for only $45 a night, don’t get upset that it does not have the best location!

If you borrow something, give it back. Don’t say someone else gave it to you as a gift and try to keep it!

If you are trying for oral sex, use your mouth on flesh. Do not just blow on someone’s crotch and think that does it!

If you need to use a Wii for jump starting your sex life, give up.

If you have several children with various physical or emotional problems, your life is going to be difficult. If you cannot handle that, don’t take it out on the kids. Get help or give the children up. There is no excuse for parental abuse!

If you feel badly, and are doing EVERYTHING the doctor told you not to, don’t complain about feeling badly!

If you write a blog, and people get pissed about what you write, you should expect it. The internet is wide open.

If you think the world is about you, think again. It is ALL ABOUT ASIAN EDDY! I’ve accepted that, now it is your turn.

Don’t say you are divorced when several people you know go online to check court records periodically. Just grow a pair and be honest.

If you are a habitual liar, don’t be surprised when people call you on it.

If you are really into something, like online games, great! However, not everyone wants to hear every little detail about your online exploits!

If you win $30,000, share.

If you get a dream vacation to go somewhere, and a guest cannot go due to vacation time at work, don’t mention the names of any celebrities that you met, and hide the pictures for at least six months.

If you have insane relatives, NEVER let your new significant other meet them before the wedding!

If you borrow DVD’s from someone, make sure you return them. Until you do, no more rum cake!

If you have a friend who has a serious medical problem, call them. If you don’t you are a sucky friend and should suffer. Eternally!

If you think you are in the wrong, you probably are. Apologize.

Having your child spend the night does NOT mean someone else putting them to sleep before you get home, and then picking them up as soon as the child wakes up.

If you are separated from a total loser wife, and you begin dating an 18 year old model who not only is intelligent, but EVERYONE LOVES, don’t think that maybe you should try and work things out with your loser wife. Just move on! Everyone will be happier!

If an old woman asks you to cut her hair, don’t. This will only end in tragedy.

If a homeless person asks you for a ride, don’t. Your car will smell for at least a week.