Foul Demons of Stupidity... BEGONE!

I have to say that I am a stupid magnet. I am also a freak magnet, psycho magnet, and a loser magnet as well, but right now lets just talk about the demons of stupidity that seem to be drawn to me.

My ex-boss, who still cannot comprehend why he was fired, still comes in to the library where I work. He still sends e-mails to my work e-mail account. Both of those are mildly annoying. However he comes in or e-mails to tell me what to do. I keep wanting to ask him what part of being fired did he not get? Well now he has started sending me e-mails ordering me to tell *my new boss* what to do. I'm sure I will rant about him at another time, but there is more.

Libraries should attract smart people, but they don't. Today I was stuck training a new employee for six hours. Have you ever seen the movie "Clueless"?? Well this guy is the retired geriatric male counterpart to most of the teens in that movie. He has had FOUR WEEKS of training so far, before he got to my branch for additional training. I swear someone is out to get me.

He's a nice old man who is near the end of his life. Or I hope he is... really he does not have much to look forward to. It took three hours to teach him how to sign people up for the computers. *NOT* to assign them a computer... just to sign them up. The process is, I admit very confusing, and I am sure that I was explaining it in very technical terms. "Bill, just write down their first name, and the initial of their last name." EVERY freakin time someone came up to sign up for the waiting list, he would say "You will have to wait a moment, I have not been trained in that." I would then go ahead and go through it again... "First name, Bill! Last initial!." In the three hours we were signing up, we had 65 people sign up for the computer. I had to correct him each time, or show him how to do it... again. 65... I counted. It was on person 66 that he started to realize what first name, and last initial meant.

Friends if I get that bad, kill me. Put me out of my misery. You can even do something creative and sell the video on E-bay. Seriously... If I am flat-lining that much, I doubt I would notice a thing anyway!

And finally, the one that takes the cake! I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix this weekend at a local theatre. And at the concession stand was a young man who needs to be neutered before he reproduces. We'll call him Jeremy.

Jeremy: Can I help you?

Me: Yes, we have a coupon for a free small soda, and I would like a blue rasberry icee.

Jeremy: I'm sorry but the only icee machine we have working now is blue rasberry.

Me: [blink]

Jeremy: Would you like one of those?

Me: Yes.

Jeremy provides an icee that is more liquidy than a soda, and I mention that it is way too watery.

Jeremy: It is?

Me: [dunking my finger in it and swishing it around] Yep. Feels that way. We will just take the small soda, and instead of an icee, a large water.

Jeremy: Ok. What type of soda do you want?

Me: [first consulting with my friend who the drink was for] Coke.

Jeremy proceeds to WASH OUT THE FREAKING CUP that the blue rasbery water was in, and then fills it up. With sprite.

Me: Uhm, we wanted coke.

Jeremy: Yes [hands me the sprite and then goes off to get me a large water]

Me: Jeremy, this is sprite.

Jeremy: Didn't you want a coke?

Me: Yes

Jeremy: Then why are you asking for sprite?

Me: I'm not, Jeremy. We want a coke. Dark brown.. fizzy... coke.

Jeremy then dumps out the blue rasberry icee cup that is filled with sprite, washes it out, and starts to put in coke.

Me: Can we have a new cup?

Jeremy: This is a new cup.

My friend, sensing my distress, tells me to forget about the new cup.

Jeremy: That will be $13.

Me: For water?!?

Jeremy: [looking at the cash register] For the icee, water, and the soda?

Me: The soda is free. Free. Means no cash needed. Coupon... you take that, but not money. And we did not take the icee because it was defective. Like a condom that I think was used sometime in the past that is affecting me right now.

Jeremy: You don't want the soda?

Another young helper stepped up, and it took about 20 seconds to get the transaction right. I asked if Jeremy was new... I was told that yes he is, he had only been there for several weeks. Several weeks???