Okay everyone, I'm back. Sotty I have not been posting much this past couple of weeks because guest blogging for Drunk Drama Queen took up part of that time, and the rest, well real life interrupted.
But there is something that really nagged at me that I would like to get off my chest, and a few questions that I would love the answer to. For those that know, yes I am unmarried. I would like to find the right person. I really would. A few times it seemed like I had, but I was wrong.
Anyway, let me try and stay on point. You see someone I know is engaged. Great stuff. Talks all the time about marriage plans. I asked recently how plans were coming, if a date had been set. The answer stunned me.
"I doubt we will get married unless there is a baby on the way. Until then... well there doesn't seem to be a point." This was from the bride-to-be.
Hello? The only point in marrying the guy you love would be because children are soon to follow? I just don't get it. Does anyone understand this?? Please explain it to me.
Ok, a question to anyone out there.. wed or unwed, single, divorced, or a murder suspect... I don't care, I just want to know the answer. Is it worth it? Marriage. Boiled down to the bottom, all the bad stuff out there... do you think marriage is really worth it?
You see I know lots of married couples. I know *exactly* two married couples where it really might seem worth it, and who really seem to go well together. TWO. Well maybe two, it could be just one, but I'm being generous here so I will say two.
Next question, for those who _are_ married. If given knowing what you know now, about how things turned out, would you still have chosen to marry the person you did?
I guess I think about these things. For a long time I thought that I just went after the wrong type of person, but now I am not so sure. It just does not seem like I am the only person to have picked unwisely.
So, am I missing out on something great here? Or am I one of the lucky ones an just don't know it?
See, deep at heart I am a huge romantic. I believe in love, and I know it takes work, I really do, but I also believe that it is worth that work.
But... well seeing how miserable most of the married people I know are, I have to wonder. Is it worth it?
I'm still a romantic. When I find the right person, I will never let her forget that she is the most wonderful lady in the world. But, I have to admit, I am getting to be a worried romantic.
Thanks for listening (reading) my tirade. I just needed to unload.
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5 years ago
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3 comments:
Actually the bride-to-be is a Canadian yuppie/vegetarian.
Funny. Bride-to-be doesn't want to get married? Then why talk about the plans? Is it "marriage" or ''wedding" that she's questioning?
As you well know, my husband drives me nuts on occasion. I went into marriage knowing that that might be the case periodically. I agree with QoD that people don't consider the business side of marriage. I think that's why arranged marriages have done so well up until the very recent past they went into it knowing it was a business deal and not expecting romance 24/7 (or even every other Tuesday). Even if somebody tells you that all of those things are an important factor in marriage, will you actually listen to it when you are caught up in the wonder of romance? Marry a friend because at the times when romance has to take a backburner you'll still have that person who likes the same movies, who'll dance with you in the kitchen, who'll take care of the poopy diaper before you knew it was a problem, who you can share the day to day grind without resorting to "mommy bad, daddy cookie".
For all of the problems, differences, compromises, heartache, there is the joy, wonder, respect, love, romance, that comes with sharing your life with somebody that loves you inspite (or even because of) your flaws. That doesn't mean that you don't need to bitch or blow off steam. I'm not sure if you consider Al & I to be on your short list because you've seen a lot of our mess. I know no matter how stupid I've been (except for the thing that one should be expected to be pushed off a cliff for) Al will lift me back up. I love him so very much it hurts some days and others I want to sock him in the jaw. But at the same time I can look at him and give him a look and he knows just what I'm thinking. A squeeze of the hand will tell him more than a half hour conversation with other people. We have a short hand that nobody else shares.
Marriage is messy. I'm not starry-eyed by any stretch of the imagination. I'm far from perfect and sometimes I don't know why he'd choose me. But, I know you and I think you'd welcome the mess. It's harder than you can ever imagine but it is very rewarding too.
Without Al I'd be the crazy cat lady with no kids. That's not a bad life but it's far richer one with my man beside me.
Are you lucky? Yep.You have your health, a great home, and some kick ass friends, oh, and your job doesn't suck. And WHEN you find the right woman she'll be lucky too -- for having you beside her.
About the wedding ceremony? Well, considering that I had one of the most amazing weddings I've ever been to I'd say that it's worth it too.
Good words.
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