NEVER GO FULL RETARD!

I recently saw a movie, "Tropic Thunder," that was absolutely hysterical! I will not give anything away, but in one scene, Robert Downey Jr. and Ben Stiller are talking. Both of them play actors in the movie, and Robert Downey Jr. used the memorably line of, "Never go full retard." He explained that going full retard never gets anyone an Oscar, and also disassociates the audience from the character. The audience just has no frame of reference in which to empathize.

That said, here is what happened to me this past Monday.

In walks a mother, her son, and her daughter. Soon after they arrive the scene begins.

Son: "Do you have any Tintin books?" ** Tintin is a series of children's books BTW.

Me, after looking in the computer. "No, but several of our branch libraries carry them. I can order them over for you, if you would like." He then runs off to tell his mother and sister the news- I heard him, and he got all of the information correct.

Two minutes later...

Daughter: "Do you have any Tintin books?"

Me, after blinking, "No, but several of our branch libraries carry them. I can order them over for you, if you would like." She then runs off to tell her mother and brother the news- I heard her, and she got all of the information correct- just like her brother had a couple minutes before.

Two minutes later.........

Mother: "Do you have any Tintin books?"

Me, trying not to laugh. "No, but several of our branch libraries carry them. I can order them over for you, if you would like." The mother does not run off. In fact she gets irate!

Mother: "Aren't you even going to check your computer?"

Me: "Actually, I just had two little library customers come up and ask for the Tintin books. I did check the computer. We don't have any here, but we do at other libraries in our branch system. Would you like me to order some over for you?"

At this point one of my co-workers just abandons the desk, attempting not to laugh, and hides in the stacks, watching the whole thing. The mother continues her retard-ness.

Mother: "So the library system does not carry them at all?"

Me: "Yes, the library system does own them. Unfortunately we do not have any at this branch, but there are other copies elsewhere in the county, at our other library branches. I would be more than happy to have them sent over for you."

Mother: "So the library doesn't own any?"

Me: "Not at this branch, no. But several of our other, nearby, branches do. I can have them sent over for you, if you would like?"

The mother finally gets the concept. She then asks if a particular branch owns them. It seems she is only visiting a friend in my city, and actually lives near one of the other branches. Hallelujah! I quickly check, and YES the other branch does carry the entire series.

I hand her a sheet of all of the branches in the county. I highlight the information for the branch she lives near. This includes the hours and days that this branch is open.

Me: "Yes, they carry the full set of the Tintin books. Unfortunately they are not open today, but they will be be open tomorrow from 12 until 6."

Mother: "Well what time do they close to-day?" Her tone was pure acid, but I survived... somehow.

Me: "That branch library is closed on Mondays, so they are not open today. However, they will be open tomorrow from 12-6."

Mother: "Why did they close early today?"

Me: "Unfortunately they are not open at all on Monday's. They are closed. Every Monday. But they will be open tomorrow, from 12 to 6."

Mother grunts, and then says, "Fine. When is the next day that they will be open?"

Me: "They are open on Tuesdays. So they will be open tomorrow. From 12, noon, until 6 p.m."

At that point she just rolled her eyes, and told her children that the library did not own any Tintin books at all.

I went over to my escapee co-worker, and smiled. "My shift is over. Your turn." I left the building to the sound of a child's voice asking her, "Do you have any Tintin books?"

Remember, folks, never go full retard!