I am a superhero!

After taking the superhero quiz, I have at long last joined the ranks of superheroes! For those who may scoff at this, let me tell you, this quiz is dead on! It gave me a superhero name that totally fits. It also recognizes my power...

I am THE SARCASTIC AVENGER with the power to interupt cell phone reception!

Take the test and post what your superhero name is!

My new favorite song!

Okay, I have a new favorite song (for the moment) and a new favorite group (ditto).

The song is called "I can't decide" and the group is the infamous Scissor Sisters.

It is a very jaunty sounding song, with lyrics that I have to admit are disturbing a few of my friends, and most of my family. But me? I love this song! While I really do enjoy this song, there are only a few hidden meanings. After all, for me, when I meet someone, I can decide, and pretty quickly too.

Read some of the lyrics below...

OR click play and listen in and sing along. I dare ya!!

....Oh I could throw you in the lake
Or feed you poisoned birthday cake
I wont deny
I'm gonna miss you when you're gone

Oh I could bury you alive
But you might crawl out with a knife
And kill me when I'm sleeping
That's why...

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die

Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride
And..
I can't decide
Whether you should live or die

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE COSMOS???!!!???

Ok my BFF, also known as Asian Eddy, was recently turned down for a job with the Sylvan School District.

Something must be out of alignment with the cosmic forces. A.E. is a very talented and caring person who is gifted with many outstanding abilities. How could she have been turned down for this position?

HHmmm. I have a theory.

I believe that the Daughter of Satan, otherwise known as the Conniving Egomaniac Narcicist, has somehow cast a spell of depression and chaos on all that she touches. This dark fiend must be stopped. Must be destroyed! Why did we ever get rid of the Witch Hunt?

Asian Eddy, I know that this is a rough break for you, but things will get better. You are a super person, and you deserve the best. And, if you need to go out drinking, I and someone we will call "Lydia" will be happy to go out with ya. After all, there has never been anything that a healthy alcoholic addiction could not cure :)

PHOBIAS AND ME

Okay, an uber friend of mine and I were recently comparing phobias. It seems that we share quite a few. Here is my top 10 list of personal phobias.

10) Hidden cameras in public restrooms. It happens. Also, see #3 for further toilet trauma.

9) Ghosts. There is a debate on whether or not ghosts exist. EVP is a recorded (get it?) phenomina. I don't know if they exist or not, but the thought of something undead talking to me.. no. Just... no.

8) Spider-goats. What the fuck were scientists thinking about?? I have a hard time thinking that playing with D.N.A. and splicing it up is a good thing. I watch the Sci-fi channel. I know what happens.

7) Tom Cruise. I know. Silly phobia, but his acting scares the bejesus out of me! The only way someone could get so famous with so little ability.. pact with Satan. After all both Scientology and Satan starts with the letter S! And L. Ron. Hubbard... both the last name (Hubbard) and Hell start with H. Can we get any more clearer folks?

6) Midgits. You all know what I am talking about.

5) Some children that I know of. I swear, if I had not been to their house on a couple of occasions, I would think these kids lived in a corn field.

4) Boats. Face it, horrible things happen on boats. Such as the Titanic, Laci Peterson, and this! (which was recently reported by a friend of mine)

3) Public Toilets. Guys trying to cop a view of my ding-dong in the loo really creep me out. Seriously. When a guy leans over the partition, looks down at my dingleberry, and says "How's it hangin'?" it really freaks me out.

2) Spiders. The Evil One, known as my sister, put spiders on my pillow once, and then work me up. Totally traumatized me for life.

1) Ok my top phobia... CANADIANS. Those of you who know me understand why.

What's the problem with masturbation?

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What is it about Tuesdays?

Speaking of In-Shape (see this week's mis-hap below), I had been intending to publish this post for a couple of weeks now. It seemed that Tuesdays are a day of danger, mystery, and misunderstandings.

On a Tuesday past, a friend and I were out looking at joining a gym. I really want to get into better shape, and my friend? Well my friend is a great person who said that if I joined, he would go as well since I might be more inclined to stick with it if I had a gym-buddy. I now have two friends who I go to the gym with... I'm a lucky librarian.

But, back to the story! Ok, so it is Tuesday, and we decide to check out Gold's Gym. We are greeted by a woman we will call Stacey. Stacey is short, stocky, butch. She shook my hand, and OH MY GOD. I thought that parts of my hand were broken! My friend, when we compared notes later, said he wanted to drop to his knees and start screaming, LET GO.. LET GO.. THE PAIN...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (fucking) AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Anyway the gym seemed well.. it gave off a weird vibe. I don't have anything against gay people, I just happen not to be one. The gym seemed to be geared as a gay-haven in the middle of a red necked town. That, ans fear of Stacey, drove us away.

We went to In-Shape. We liked the look and layout. The people were friendly. We decided to join. I asked about a group rate, since my friend is kind of tight on cash right now. We told the guy this, and the fact that my friend was only joining to help me out. The guy said "no problem" and quoted us a rate that was only a few dollars more than the single membership. Huh? He then informed us that we could get a family rate, if he marked us down as "partners."

Ok, as I said I am not a homo-phobe, but I am a penny-pincher. In the eyes of In-Shape, I now have a domestic partner. Oh lord.

We then go out to Best Buy. I had a couple of movies to get, and my friend was going to check into a game or two for his PS3. I wanted two movies (because I am kind of odd and have an odd taste in movies). When a big burly bearded sales associate came up asking if he could help us find a movie, I said, "Yes, we are looking for Hitman, and Nancy Drew." The guy looked over at us, put on this crappy smile and said "I bet you two have been waiting for Nancy Drew for ages..."

Ok I know Nancy Drew looks like a girly movie. Ok it is a girly movie. I get that. But I grew up watching reruns of the Nancy-Drew/Hardy Boy mysteries, and this one looked stupid-funny. (small off-note comment. Nancy Drew is actually a pretty funny movie, with a good mystery going for it.)

So now no only does In-Shape tell me I have a domestic partner, but this goober at Best Buy is saying that we are gay. (another side note- While I am currently single I am not gay. While my friend is married with a child he is not gay either). Ok, so I am not gay, but I do get in people's faces, and I am totally improv when it comes to yanking people's chains. And, well I do so love yanking chains!

In a flash I became super-nelly-gay-man with a backbone! I snapped my fingers up in the air and said, "Hold on a moment Laura Ingles! There is only one little hole on the prairie that I will even think about prairie-dogging." The guy looked shocked. This was all I needed, in my insane desire to yank chains, to go on.

"We're committed to each other. I'm flattered that you want some of me. I know you can tell I am large and thick.." his face started getting red... "And I know you want to taste my honey, baby, but well.. we don't do threesomes." I patted his arm, and he jumped back, fear in his eyes, now that other co-workers were looking on.

I had an audience. I'm evil. I do not get embarrassed. I was pissed. NEVER put those elements together.

"Honey," I purred, "I'm sure you will find a nice guy.. or ten, to take you.. in hand.. or I know this butch bull-dyke named Stacey (see above) who will be more than happy to strap something on, and ride you hard and fast... if you are only looking for that?"

Gosh, he looked like he was going to cry. He scrambled back, and my friend started laughing. "God, I cannot believe you did that.. " then he shook his head "Actually I cannot believe you did not do something worse."

Well, while creative, that was the first thing I thought of. Besides, when actually dealing with homo-phobes, best way to freak them out.. tell them they are a little gay bitch.

NEW POST TOMORROW... When a co-worker who we will call Martha, has to deal with the touchy subject of Masturbation... get it? Touchy subject?

AAAAAYYYYAAAAAAAA!

Ok so I was at In-Shape, and got attacked by a tredmill. Seriously! It cut through about a fourth of an inch of leather and padding of my shoe, shredded my sock (no, the hole was not there prior to this happening), and cut into my foot. The momentum has left the right side of my foot, and the top, one huge bruise.

Why me?