Birthday events

Well birthday season officially started recently with a bang. The first of the birthday procession was my dear friend, who is known affectionately as Princess Buttercup, who recently turned 11. Happy Birthday PB! The get-together for Buttercups party was a lot of fun.

However the next party I attended had a few problems. A young family member of mine turned five a few days ago. The official party took place on Sunday, August 17th. Mom and Dad are separated, and heading towards the big D. Dad and the birthday boy are currently living with me. However the parents reunited for this party- that took place at my house, of course.

First off, bitch-mom (yes it is a deserved nick-name) insisted on making the cake. She wanted a Lego shaped one. The cake she made did look like a Lego. A Lego that had been left in a microwave for about 30 minutes, on high. It was completely deformed. So, another family member provided an ice-cream cake at the last minute. Bitch-mom was pissed that her freak of a dessert was being supplemented by something that looked like a cake.

Bitch-mom was not going to show up, originally. Her family was having a party on Saturday. But the she heard that dinner would be provided, and she had the bright idea of inviting her entire family (most of whom are struggling to make ends meet). They cancelled their Saturday party in favor of attending the one on Sunday--- the one with free food. Don’tcha just LOVE people who only show up to get something decent to eat?

I found this out at the last minute, and started cooking extra. When bitch-mom was asked about making this a pot-luck, she snapped, “If my family are going to come over here, we are going to feed them.” We? Excuse me but I don’t consider a jacked up looking cake as helping to feed a hoard of freeloaders.

Bitch-mom did not buy her child a present. Can you believe that? She was honestly shocked that she should have bought something. Her quote was “I made the cake, didn’t I? That’s my present.” Yeah, what every five year old wants as a gift, a mongoloid confection.

Did the rest of the moochers bring presents? Yes, they did. Were they clothes too small for the five year old to wear? Why, yes they were.

As they began snooping throughout my house, I had to keep herding them back to the party. God, I love been a guide-dog for retarded semi-relatives. Finally the glorious moment came when they were going to leave. Out walked bitch-mom. Out walked her siblings and in-laws. The only one remaining was bitch-mom’s mom. I was sitting by the door, and as the last of the moochers walked out (with the exception of the grandma-bitch who was still piling up a ‘to-go’ plate) and they did not bother to close the door!! The AC was on, and it was hot out. So I reached over, and slammed the door. I did not realize that bitch-mom was coming back to see what was taking her mother so long.

Everyone stopped talking, and just stared at me. That was my first clue that something was up. Then they all started to laugh. Several people gave me air high-fives. OOpps on my part. But, unlike a lot of crap I do, that really was an accident.

After that, everyone seemed to have a great time!